Love List

What I am thankful for this week:

I am so thankful for the fenced in back yard my husband built for us, for our dog mostly, when we first bought this house three years ago. I was thankful then, to be sure, when housetraining our young boxer in the middle of the night. But now I am so thankful. Josephine can sing and play happily behind me while I sit, read or just enjoy the sunshine without fear that she is running into the road. Yes, she's still little so I keep a nearly constant eye on her and am always aware- but I don't need to hover over her, ever ready to usher her away from looming cars.

She's developing into a brave, courious little person. Free to move out of my eyeline, safe to experiance uncertainty a bit on her own without being completely alone.

She's creative, too. Bringing two sticks or pens together and making up her own little song. She sings, "Happy, Appy, happy..."

Then she reaches out a little hand for my help to climb around and through the bumpier, wilder parts of the yard.

Food Not Bombs

Officially, Food Not Bombs is a global movement that takes vegan and vegetarian food that would have been thrown away out of the waste stream and serves it up for free in public spaces to protest war, poverty and the destruction of the environment.

When a friend of mine approached me recently about starting one here in Maine, I was excited, but unsure of how I could contribute with Josephine having to come along everywhere I go. Generally, protests, phone-banks, canvassing, and direct action aren't necessarily 'mother/child-friendly'. I decided to commit anyway, telling myself that I would do what I could to contribute and accept what I cannot do.

It's been amazing and Josephine has become our mascot.

A very pregnant Ashley, me, with sidekick Jo on my back, and Steph.

Personally, what I love about Food Not Bombs, (other than the obvious pro-family atmosphere and chance to cook, eat and share good vegetarian food) is that it is such a positive way to take action. Sometimes, anti-war efforts mostly yelling, complaining and self-righteous intellectual talk. As a member of Food Not Bombs, I am objecting to negative and unfair policies and attitudes and deciding for myself to put out positive energy. I am taking positive action to make a really difference in my community, which is something we all can do, no matter how much money we have.

Love List

I'm inspired this week by Kris Carr's wonderful CrazySexyLife blog. Here's my list of what I've been thankful for this week, what's yours?


1. My mother. I know, I know, it's cliche, but I am! This week my mom watched Josephine at her house while I took my dog to obedience class. There was a tornado warning- yes tornado here in Maine, and my mom took my daughter in a wrap into the bathroom with her flashlight and life jacket. Like a boyscout she wanted to be prepared so nothing happened to our little Josephine. How sweet is that?

Note: The tornado didn't touch down near us and the thunderstorm passed us by without doing major damage. Which I'm also thankful for.



2. Fudgsicles. Yep, oldtimey ones that come by in an ice cream truck. That darn thing comes by my house at least once a day all summer long. This week I was having a rough time right when I heard that song, "Ba da da ta da ta da ta...." After rushing around for my wallet (while Papa Bear was saying, "Are you serious?) I ran outside and waved that truck down like a 2nd grader. Yum-o.

3. Free-to-the-public places like libraries and playgrounds. (Thank you, women's movement.) Sometimes, ok often, with a toddler my house is just too small and we need to get OUT. These places let Jo move and let me see her in a different space and a new light without stressing about her safety. I can just enjoy her and let her be herself. (Which I think she enjoys, too.)

Make your own list!

p.s I'm also thankful for the 'save post' feature on blogger. This post was originally called, 'Thankful Thursdays", but I'm just finishing it now and it's no longer Thursday.

Long Days

I would like to start by not apologizing for not posting in a while. I am blogging without obligation and I know that other mums will understand anyway.



A nomad friend of mine, Stephanie, has started a blog about her hitching, farming, exploring trip around the country. I am struck by how different it is from my blog. And, of course, how different her life is from my own. Her life is a picture in motion and travel. My life is so often about stillness, sameness. Who was it that said about parenting, "The days are long but the years are short"? That is exactly what it feels like. Some days, and nights in particular, drag on and on and on. And yet here we are, one year down. The first year of my daughters life has slipped past unceremoniously. One long, nodescript day rolling into another.
Sometimes I am jealous of my friend's ability to move easily about the country not responsible to anyone but herself. She describes a day on the "loneliest road in America" and I think of how I long for, if not loneliness, at least 'alone-ness'. I gave blood last week and was delighted to be able to lay down for 15 minutes and not have to take care of anything or anyone. Giving blood was a treat! That's something only full-time moms could understand, I think.
Even as I envy women with more freedom and less obligation, I know that my own life is enviable. People look at me and long for family like me. I am rooted here, in a community. I am responsible, not just for my family but for my town, my state, my country. I cannot just get up and leave which forces me to change my world to more and more resemble the world that I want it to be. For my daughter, too.
And Josephine. I have Josephine and I know just how blessed I am and how many people wish for what I have. The short years and the long days.

Motherhood Is Hard

Mothering is hard. In other news: Water still wet. I know, this is an obvious statement and it's nothing that hasn't been written about/blogged about/talked about before. But really, it's tough. I find it emotionally more difficult than I ever could have imagined. My daughter, who I adore, need, need, needs me. All. The. Time. She is very social and enjoys other people but when she is upset, tired, sick or just having a rough time, she only wants me. Not my husband or my mother, who generally offer amazing support, but me.

I remember when she was itty-bitty, four weeks or so, and I so longed for some sign that she recognized me. I would search for recognition in her eyes when I picked her up, I hoped that she might stop crying because I was holding her, but she didn't.

Now I know that she knows me. I try to be mindful of it, to enjoy and appreciate it, even as the childcare staff at the YMCA is pulling me out of my workout again.