I would like to start by not apologizing for not posting in a while. I am blogging without obligation and I know that other mums will understand anyway.
A nomad friend of mine, Stephanie, has started a blog about her hitching, farming, exploring trip around the country. I am struck by how different it is from my blog. And, of course, how different her life is from my own. Her life is a picture in motion and travel. My life is so often about stillness, sameness. Who was it that said about parenting, "The days are long but the years are short"? That is exactly what it feels like. Some days, and nights in particular, drag on and on and on. And yet here we are, one year down. The first year of my daughters life has slipped past unceremoniously. One long, nodescript day rolling into another.
Sometimes I am jealous of my friend's ability to move easily about the country not responsible to anyone but herself. She describes a day on the "loneliest road in America" and I think of how I long for, if not loneliness, at least 'alone-ness'. I gave blood last week and was delighted to be able to lay down for 15 minutes and not have to take care of anything or anyone. Giving blood was a treat! That's something only full-time moms could understand, I think.
Even as I envy women with more freedom and less obligation, I know that my own life is enviable. People look at me and long for family like me. I am rooted here, in a community. I am responsible, not just for my family but for my town, my state, my country. I cannot just get up and leave which forces me to change my world to more and more resemble the world that I want it to be. For my daughter, too.
And Josephine. I have Josephine and I know just how blessed I am and how many people wish for what I have. The short years and the long days.